This was originaly entitled "Dark Dungeons" but as you can see I altered the title a little. I've also added my own little comments (marked by the red numbers) at the bottom.

*1: That is one HUGE D.M. screen. I want one.

*2: A rule for all future dungeon masters out there: If you meet someone who spazzes out like this, DON'T LET THEM PLAY!!!! They give the rest of us bad names.

*3: Fighters have to reach at least 10th level, Wizards and Sorcerors have to be 9th, Rogues-13th, Paladins-15th, druids-8th, and Bards (get this) only 2nd level!!!! Debbie could have saved herself some valuable time had she played a bard. Poor Debbie!

*4: WHAT? No saving throw?

*5: And we all know how intense that can be. I didn't think I would ever survive mine.

*6:Actually, I would have cast a spell to do something about that facial condition. Seriously, Debbie, cosmetic surgery or something.

*7: The Zombie? You mean like as in THE Zombie? OH SHIT!!!! Hey Debbie, get me his autograph!

*8: I get that excuse all the time when I call a girl.

*9: I have several comments about this scene. 1) I have lost several characters since 1988 and you know....my mother has never given a DAMN about a single one (of course if you were to ask her about anything I've ever done in any RPG she would probably give you a blank stare.)
2)"My daughter has gone nuts because of a game that you got her into. I want YOU to go talk some scense into her."

*10:Yeah! Slitting your wrist in the bathtub would have been a lot more dramatic. An overdose of pain killers would have sent you on your way with a great buzz. All of these would be great options for someone like you who seems to be too STUPID to just find another DM and reroll Black Leaf and play him again in another game. Again I repeat the lesson above: Keep the spazzes out of the game.

*11: Shouldn't she be pissing down her leg by now?

*12: If you were killed by a poison trap then it's not realy your fault. I guess it's a little to late to point that out!

Two points....1) I love it when I hear people say that Jesus is the only answer. Follow these people around and everytime they ask something yell out "JESUS!!!!"
("Can I help you?"
"JESUS!!!"
"That's nice but what do you want?"
"JESUS!!!"
"Do you want anything else?"
"JESUS!!!"
"Will you go away?"
"JESUS!!!"
What the fuck is you're problem?"
"JESUS!!!")
2)Ok, I understand praying for her but FASTING as well! Debbie just hasn't had a wonderful life. First she has the face thing going on. Then she hooks up with this spazzy girl. She gets sucked into some weird cult that bases it's doctrine off of a roleplaying game. Spazzy friend commits suicide. Her lesbian lover kicks her out (C'mon! You knew there was something going on there). And now she has a stalker.

*14: Out of one cult and into another. She's now part of a horrible vicious cycle of cult after cult after cult. I think Debbie is a Moonie now.

*15: I thought this was the anti D&D serman. I guess we walked into the anti S&M sermon by mistake.

*16: What? No drum circle? When I get initiated into a coven I expect a drum circle.

*17: I just want to point out that there is a disproportionate number of female gamers in this tract. I'm not saying that ther are NO female gamers. It's just that every time I've heard the urban legend about D&D suicides the victem is always male. Gather up all the gamers you know and note the male to female ratio.
And on another note. Have you ever heard of Shadowrun suicides or RIFTS suicides? It's always D&D.

*18: Is that Robert Reed? (Mike Brady)

*19: I'll offer some help...Don't wear frills on a dress like that. It's tacky.

*20: I skipped 20 and went right to 21...I'm a dumbass.

*21: It's about time someone put a warning on bible verses!
Oh, well! If we must....
Acts 19[13] Then certain of the vagabond Jews, exorcists, took upon them to call over them which had evil spirits the name of the Lord Jesus, saying, We adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preacheth.
[14] And there were seven sons of one Sceva, a Jew, and chief of the priests, which did so.
[15] And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye?
[16] And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.
[17] And this was known to all the Jews and Greeks also dwelling at Ephesus; and fear fell on them all, and the name of the Lord Jesus was magnified.

Um....ok.....sounds like something that happened to me in a game once. See, I was playing a Fighter/Mage and we were....[cut for breivity]....And the Halfling said "Oh! you meant the DUCK!"
I guess you had to be there.

*22: Which manual did she base her life around? The Player's Guide is ok, but the Monster manual can mess you up bad. Don't get me started on the Manual of the Planes.

*23: Bob Dole says "Book burning is the American way!"

*24: I just have to end this with saying that Ms. Frost is hot. She can be my DM any day!

So..Where are They Now?

After joining Rev. Guy Thingy's Swords of Light Youth Ministries(S.O.L.), Debra Ann Thomas dedicated her life to the anti-D&D cause. She Traveled the countriy sharing her story and expressing the the joy she felt in the salvation of having accepted Jesus Christ into her life.

However, her family and friends began noticing her increasingly strange behavior not long after joining the ministries. She became more shut off, only facing other people during her weekly testimonials which some had noticed were becoming more robotic and dull. Her father stated after her sudden death that her eyes were starting to sink in and were becoming baggy, we think that this fact slipped by others due to her unique facial condition.

During a revival in Alabama, Debbie collapsed and was rushed to the hospital, but was pronounced dead on arrival. The autopsy found that she had ingested a toxic mixture of PCP, cocaine, LSD, and laundry detergent. But investigators were shocked when it was revealed that Debbie had about a pound of DICE inlodged in her colon. This began an FBI investigation of the S.O.L. that eventually lead to it's demise.

Sarah Frost continued converting unsuspecting gamers to the Dastardly Dark Dungeon Dianic Cult (the DDDC)until 1987 when, while running a game, she choked on an eight sided die that fell into her drink.

Margret Lynn Paul survived her suicide attempt, but due to the brain damage she suffered from the lack of oxygen and the damage she suffered to her spine she became paralyzed from the neck down and can only communicate by blinking her eyes. Despite this handicap she has managed to dictate four novels called "The Sagas of Black Leaf the Theif".

Micheal Harold Fudge III had been stalking Debbie for four years believing that she was his reward from Jesus for his loyalty. He talked her into the S.O.L. believing that this would bring into reality his demented fantasies of their life on a watermelon farm in South Georgia safe from the imaginary creatures he called "The Dark Bunnies" that had haunted him since childhood.

Unfortunatly, despite his persistant attempts be right in her face 24 hours a day, Debbie was more interested in the ministies cause than his bizzare come ons. Complicating his personal agenda, Rev. Thingy seperated the ministry. The boys were sent out to do all the hard labor af setting up revivals and Rev Thingy led the girls in special "bible study" classes. Frustrated, Mike began to resent the ministry and, especialy, Rev. Thingy. He began to view the reverend as the king of his imaginary "Evil Bunnies" whose sole purpose was to get between him and the object of his obsession, Debbie.

His world came crashing down around him when she died. The next night Mike bought a .357 magnum and confronted Rev. Thingy in a church kitchen. Being a bad shot he failed to kill him and a scuffle insued ending with the reverend cramming a meat clever into Mike's skull.

The details of his death were not known until after the FBI raid on the S.O.L.'s compound when the survivors told of dismembering his body in a bathtub and washing it down the drain with chloric acid.

The DDDC existed secretly from 1984 till 2000 without any real incident until they relocated to Macon, Ga. where they began recruiting the member of the local LARP community. The cult is now called Crimson Tears and their original goal as a coven has been lost and forgoten.

Rev. Guy Thingy was actually one of many aliases of convicted child molester Richard David Vincent. He started the Sword of Light Youth Ministries in 1981 while on the run for previous crimes.

He realized he could use the group to start a harem of delusional young girls that he could ritualy sodomize in special secret orgies he passed of as "bible study classes". He would start the all night "classes" with a typical discusion on the scriptures but would constantly suugest that the girls try his secretly laced refreshments. After the girls were under the effects of the drugs he would convince them that they were possesed by powerful demons that could only be exorcised by taking off their clothes and cohersing the demons to the surface by preforming homosexual acts upon one another. Rev. thing would then analy rape the girls telling them it was the Lord's "Sword of Light" pentrating them and driving out the Satan's influence.

Like any legitament church group, the Sword of Light normaly preached against the "evils of the occult and it's fantasy trappings" ( Rev. Thingy would cover up his shady past by telling officials that he used to be a member of a satanic cult, making him an expert on Satan's earthly followers), but the Ministry didn't make it a major focal point until Mike Fudge introduced the Rev. to Debbie Thomas. Ex-SOL members say that after Fudge had shown thingy some of his many pictures of her, the reverend had changed the group's public purpose over night.

After Debbie got involved in the S.O.L., Thingy began the strange ritual of incerting dice confiscated from the book burnings into the anuses of his harem. This may have been an experiment he began to increase the pleasure of his "Sword of Light" part. There was never an explaination as far as the ex members could remember.

Debbie however became the star atraction as it were to the Ministry's revivals. The bitchy power trips she experianced from casting spell for the DDDDC were just replaced by the the special atention she got from Rev. Thingy. She even had a special chair during the "bible study classes" and was allowed to perform the "Sword of Light" part herself using special "toys" the reverend would provided.

However, the drugs suddenly took their toll and Debbie eventually began having adverse reactions. Thingy, not wanting any questions asked, advised her against going to the doctor claiming that God would handle it if she prayed and fasted, but they finally took her during a revival. Panacked by her death and Fudges attack, Thingy began telling the ministry that these were signs of the coming Apocalypse. The groups focus turned to building a compound, building an arsenal,and evading FBI investigaters.

Finally in 1986, the FBI raided the S.O.L. compound and began a stand off that lasted for three weeks. On the last day a loud noise was heard from inside and serveral naked members began running out screaming. Thingy had ordered the cult to take off there clothes and meet the final judgement. He than pulled out a chainsaw and began mutilating the group. A responce team was sent in and Thingy was shot dead.

Maggie's mother, Sabrina Paul, dedicated her life to taking care of her paralyzed daughter. But to this day she has yet to turn around.

Bob Dole says that he's tired of this page. Click Bob Dole to go back to the Dungeon